::midnight thinker::

I just finished taking paper edu 3107 - bimbingan dan kaunseling kanak-kanak yesterday. as usual, will only start a revision few days before the actual paper. adalah baca2 sikit ttg teori2 kaunseling. antaranya Teori Rasional Emotif Behavioural yg di asaskn oleh Albert Ellis (x igt pula tahun berapa. sori mr.ellis!). antara kenyataan dari teori ini ialah, masalah yang dihadapi manusia adalah disebabkan dari tiga sumber utama iaitu pemikiran, emosi (perasaan) dan tingkahlaku. terutamanya emosi yg seterusny diterjemahkan kpd tingkah laku negatif (maaf sy salin ni berdasarkan pemahaman sendiri semata2. correct me if im wrong). 

antara tujuan kaunseling dibwh teori ini ialah utk membolehkan manusia membezakan pemikiran rasional dan tidak rasional. kdg2 pemikiran x rasional itulah yg menjejaskan cara kita berfikir, menyempitkan pandangan kita, serta menyebabkan kita melakukan tingkah laku yg tidak wajar. funny thing is, sy rasa sy plu menjalani kaunseling di bawah teori ini. sbb kdg2 (errr confession, sebenarnya selalu!) sy berfikir secara tidak rasional. kdg2 sy menyoal "why these things happened to me?," "why i cant have what they have. i want to be like them,". "why everyone's life is getting better while mine is forever static". too many 'whys' makes me sad. makes me think how unhappy and unlucky i am compare to others. how everyone always get what they want, but im forever like this; empty and hopeless. all these questions gives no answers, drives me nowhere. and the more i think about it, the more miserable i feel. 

tp, bila sy cuba berfikir menggunakan fikiran rasional (dunno whether it's working or not ;p), sy spttnya tidak mempersoalkan all these things. as a muslim, wajiblah sy mempercayai bahawa setiap yg berlaku itu ada hikmahnya. Allah sebaik2 perancang hidup kita. Yg menjahatkan fikiran, yg menyimpangkan fikiran, yg membawa perasaan tidak bersyukur dan yg sentiasa mahu meminta lebih datangnya dari bisikan syaitan, serta pengaruh fikiran tidak rasional (;p). jadi sy berusaha mengingatkan diri sendiri supaya jangan banyak bertanya "kenapa ini terjadi kepadaku" sebab pertanyaan2 "kenapa" itu seolah menyesali dan tidak meredhai apa yg diberikan pd kita. haruslah berusaha membezakan percayaan rasional dan tidak rasional kita. sy sedar akan hal itu, namun sebagai manusia biasa yg penuh kelemahan dan kekurangan, kdg2 sy x dpt lari berfikiran negatif, menimbulkan persoalan2 tidak rasional, dan seterusnya kalah dgn emosi sendiri. 

but then... 

 

Abul Laits meriwayatkan dengan sanadnya dari Abu Dzar r.a. berkata:

“Saya dipesan oleh junjunganku Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. tujuh macam yang tidak sampai saya tinggalkan dan tidak akan saya tinggal semua itu iaitu: ..(antaranya..)

..."Saya dipesan supaya selalu melihat kepada orang-orang yang dibawahku dan tidak melihat pada orang-orang yang diatasku"...

banyakkan bersyukur. Alhamdullah. Thank you Allah for this life :)

ps: compare to others life for instance Palestinian, masalah2 hidup dan perasaan sy sgtttttttt la kecil, malah lebih kecil dari sezarah kuman!

ps: it's 2++ in the morning but im still not sleepy. terbiasa stay up late night utk study kot ;p (x pyh nk beriyeeeeeeee study sgttttttttttttt!!)

::can't think any title for this post, so just name it 'puzzle'. why? there, think why it called 'puzzle'::

i know now it is 1.++  am. I should be in bed. rest, sleep and maybe dream. but no, I am still in front of my lappy (explains why my eyes vision is getting worse day to day!). i am now downloading O.U.A.T latest episode. still hv to wait about less than 20 minutes, with internet speed is quite extraordinary. jarang berlaku situasi line internet yang baik, up to 100++kb per secs. to get a good internet speed,  i'll have to wait until late night when everyone is asleep. tiada persaingan line.

today (i mean yesterday, on monday) i suppose to went out with my rumet but suddenly something came up and i have to go out alone. tak apa la, got company or not, still hv to go out sbb belum bayar keta for april. due date may 10. haih. 

but good news is, ambank keningau sudah membesarkan cawangan mereka (i mean they increase the size of bank) dan bertambah beberapa kemudahan spt; CASH DEPOSIT. omg sooo sukaaaaaaaa bcause from now on, i dont have to take a number and queue to pay a car's loan. i can pay anytime i want. but still, kena dtg bank tu la. whyyyy ambank still doesnt hv on9 banking for new account type. hu....hu....... sebenarnya agak gerun masuk kwsn ambank dan sekitarnya because the road is sempit and always busy. orang slalu x mau kasi chance keluar dari simpang. gerunnn kena tgk keta dari kiri, kanan, kiri, kanan and so on. lepas tu panik btambah bila tgk belakang line keta menunggu utk keluar semakin panjang. msti dorang sudah sumpah seranah org dpn tu sbb x pandai ambk peluang selit2 keluar simpang. sy msh takut bw keta di kwsn2 sibuk. i need B......... (SHUT UP!)

mula2 ralat x ada kawan keluar (i even think to ask any friend to accompany me). but then, like barney stinson says "i can turn this around!,". so i turn the situation around. from unhappy to happiest. haha. HOW? by SHOPPING.

yep, shopping. not just window shopping, but an actual shopping. dgn hanya bertemankan naluri (CISSS!) dan gerak langkah diri sendiri, i successfully bought 3 pieces of clothes. (habis la. cakap dgn B cuma mau beli 1 to dua helai baju sj.heeeeeeeeeeeee).

adakah penyakit lama kembali berulang? suka membeli belah baju2 comel? i think dalam setahun dua ni, sy jarang beli baju. sbb kurang minat dan kurang yakin dgn diri yg semakin membesar. macam baju tu x muat, baju ni x sesuai bla bla. but today, i dont know where i got a strength (-_-) to buy not one, not two, but three pieces of baju yg comel2 (bagi saya la). lalallalla seronoknyaaaaa. (masa sy menulis perenggan ini, O.U.A.T ep.21 sudah selamat di muat turun.thank God). tp alang2 menyeluk pekasam, biarlah sy habiskn entry ini ok. 

 belian wajib almost when everytime i went out. makanan kucingggg. i love cats, i love most of cute creatures. antara sebab lain kenapa sy selalu bagi kucing makan2 (dpn bilik kami sahaja),because every year, kucing2 di asrama akan bertambah membiak sesuka hati mereka tanpa ada birth control (apakahh). jadi kucing2 ini kurang bertanggungjawab dan membuang najis mereka di merata2 tempat. (mgkn sbb diaekor ni tidak bertuan mybbkn diaekor x berdisiplin - no offence kucing2 terbiar.huhu). almost every year since we live here, we were 'harassed' by bau2an dari najis2 kucing ini. paling tensi bila diaekor buang segala sisa2 kumuh dan tinja DEPAN BILIK. sengsara okayyy dgn bau2annya. though i love cats, but this manner is unforgivable. we have to teach them a lesson. not by harm them bcoz they're no human. they can't think like human does. so what we can do is......... FEED THEM IN FRONT OF YOUR ROOM. why? BECAUSE THEY DON'T POOP WHERE THEY'RE EAT. see? not only kita dpt pahala (insya Allah) sbb memelihara haiwan, but also, mengelakkan bilik kita menjd mangsa tempat pembuangan najis mereka.happy eating cats.

eh lupakn kisah makanan meow2. now let's see baju2 yg berjaya sy beli semalam. yeayyy me!

 bcoz i think it's cute.

 this one will wear with white inner. 

i rarely have a teal color's clothe. so i decided to bought dis one.

 and pair with this blue inner.

 and the result will be like this ;)

shopping alone is actually kinda fun. x plu rush utk memilih dan mencari barang, bole pilih2 baju>masuk fitting room then>eh x muat la ~ as much as u want. x plu risau dan x plu fikir "cepatt. cepattt. someone is waitinggg" dan sebagainya. i think, maybe, next tym when i wanna go shop again, i'll go alone. x menyusahkan mahupun disusahkan. (B, if u ever read this, u shud know dat u're not my fav. person to go shopping with. u're impatient and u don't like waiting. sorry dear! but ILY still.) hahahaha. but when u marry me (insya Allah one day later), u hv no choice but to bear with me when i go shop. lalalala.

ohhhhhhhh. btw, starting this month (may 2012) until forever ('forever' is in small size bcause im afraid this is not gonna last), our school (IPG kgau) akan memulakan kempen 'tanpa polisterina'. to save our mother earth. jadi salah satu caranya ialah cafe tidak akan menyediakan tapau polisterine kpd pelatih2/pensyarah2/staffs or whoever yg berniat mahu menapau makanan. maknanya, tiada polisterine, kenala bw tempat bekal sendiri. entah kenapa sy tertarik dgn kontena ini. cute kan.

 seriously im not a big fan of angry birds, never play one. but this bekas makanan cute beyond words. tapi x perasan harganya mahal rm17.40. gila la! serius x 

tgk harga sgt waktu beli. sekali imbas mcm nampk rm11.40 tp rupanya rm17.40 +___+ ..nasi sudah menjadi bubur. cuma perasan harga waktu kemas2 barang di bilik td.

but i dont regret bought it. tgk rupanya ada bekas utk sudu and garfu lagiiii. sedia ada di situ. comelkannnnn. lovey doveyyy. lalalallala ;p

ok jam sudah 2++ am. the bed next to me now have a sore throat bcoz it keeps calling me since few hours ago. ok ok bed. im coming to u rite now! 

nite. or shud i say, dawn?

haha. bye.

ps: looking from the clothes i bought, sometimes i forgot dat im not a teen anymore, but still dress like a teen. hahaha... it's okay, the grown up styles will come, one day eventually ;)

::monday's decease::

source: as stated

::sy termakan semut, kot?::

lately sy byk sgt lupa benda. sudahlah pelupa, agak byk tersasul cakap. for instance, td sy bckap ngan mom and sy mau sebut "dua helai," tp sy tdgr di tv sebut 'Anuar Zain', trus sy tcakap "dua zain," .. APAKAH???!

(dan sy skg cuba mengingati sesuatu but cant recall what)

cth lagi, siang td sy oting ngan mom, dua kali tpksa bpatah balik rumah SBB TERTINGGAL BARANG. kali ptama wktu mom sudah bw keta kuar dr pagar, dan kali kedua ketika sudah bbrp jauh dr rumah. (mom sudah bising, kena bpatah balik 2x!!)

juga, sy asyk2 tlupa soalan2 utk B. sblm2 tu igt, then bila start type text, terus blank dan x igt apa2. kena bfikir berkali2. lps tu tetiba rasa mau marah diri sendiri sbb bole2 tlupa benda yg mau ditny. WHY AA??!!

wktu dinner td, mom tny "knp intan ni byk betul benda lupa. byk benda intan fikir ka ni?," ... hmmm x tau la. mau ckap byk tu, x la juga. tp entahlah.

sy SGT RISAU. exam sudah hampir. gimana harusssssssssssss hadapiiii. PELUPA. SEMUT MANALAHHHH YG SY MAKAN NIIII..!!!

btw, ada beberapa ketul wifi berada disekitar kejiranan sy. sy cuba2 la konon connect, but none of them working. 

source: megustamemes.tumblr

doakan sy dpt mengingat semula dgn baik.

::life like this::

my handsome fren is back there. (the one with 'peace' sign) lalalala

he's still there!

and still there TROLOLOLOL

 now he's not there anymore

kikikiki~

hihihi. perasan sgt comel dgn gambar ini. TQ rumet for capturing my pix using ur phone. bese la hp i sgt classic. ambk gmbr pn x ble. edited using picasa. lallalalalalala i think i shud buy a new spec, just like this. (sbb sy rsa comel? bluewkekwkdjcjs) hahahahha 

gtg. got class at 2 pm. HAIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh (LONG SIGH!!!)

bye. i miss my B. miss him muchasssssssssssss.

::love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest::

..sometimes, love means letting go ;)

original source: HIMYM s7, ep.4

::end of april::

..............................

it takes almost a minute for me to think what the 1st word i want to use to start this entry. instead of putting any random words, i use ................ . -__-

practicum phase iii is now officially over. im back being normal, being a student. i thot it'd be fun but actually HELL NO..! we only start a class today but already got LOADSSSS OF SH** WORKS TO DO. obt ntah apa2 (open book test), tutorial, isl, and the crappiest thing is, esok adalah CUTI HARI PEKERJA tetiba2 ipg ada aktiviti LA PULAKKKKKKKKKK. ipg lestari ntah apa2. MOG (yes MOG not OMG) this is so against a human righttttttttttttttttt. kenapa guna hari pekerja utk mengerah tenaga manusia menanam pokok yg lestarilah sangat!. this SHUDNT HAPPEN.!!! grghhhhhhhh tp suara2 ketidakpuasan hati hny berlaku disini. dpn2 lecturer smua wat muka  >>>>

 hahaha. x apa. bersabar. next year insya Allah sudah tamat dr benda2 alah camni. then life as an adult will officially start. hihi. (skg x berapa mau adult sgt).lalallla.

okey la before i off to bed, mau masukkn bbrp kepingan gambar2 hiasan alam. (errrrrrrr). hahaha.
 

 comelkan semua kuceng2 ini? suka melepak dpn bilik kami D129. 

ohhhhhh. last friday (my last day going back from school) my lappy was crashhhh. gila ah screen pecah. rasanya sbb kena tindih2 oleh barang2 sy dan kwn2. sbb hari tu hari terakhir d skola, so smua all out bawa barang balik. myb kami x sedar byk sgt barang2 sampaikn lappy tertindih2. bila buka lappy, terkezutttttttt anak ayam tgk wajahnya sudah bercalar. ni ambik gambar2nya. so anyone, tolong lain kali jaga lappy anda dgn baik okey. jgnla membaling2nya seperti anda membaling batu, dan jgn la hempas2knnya spt anda menghempaskan benda berat yg tak mudah pecah. sila ambik pengajaran ya semua anak2.

seb bek mmg weekends tu mmg planned mau g kk with family and the love one. and thank God my bro in law sgtttt mahir dalam kerja2 pembaikan lappy. sygny hari tu x sempat ambik gambar lappy tu dipecah2kn komponennya. (masuk biilik kakak then BIL sruh tgk kepingan2 lappy tu.)woooo impressiveeeeeee!! sy sakit otak tgk lappy bpisah2. hahaha.

then on saturday, kami jalan2 d Karamunsing (g makan d pancake house. 4 ppl costs rm97++ *dead. mahal but for working ppl rasa bese2 jer arga tuuu lalalalla*) and cari screen lappy. cari dan cari di beberapa kedai, dpt la jumpa rm380. uhuk2. mahalnya. tu blm cmpur kos pemasangan. rm150 yawwww.  so total rm530 MATILAHHH SETENGAH RIBUUUUUUUUUU.  alhamdulillah BIL ada membantu. save rm150. heheh (tq b for byrkan lappy ni).

 pemasangan semula screen lappy ole BIL

 BIL tekun memasang, kakak komited memakan mcD. heeeeeee~

on sunday, saya direct balik Keningau from KK. mom,dad, sis, her hubby balik Ranau. haruslah B hantar saya ke Keningau. heeeeeeeeeee ;D tq B... esk B pulg swak ikut jalan darat (B bw keta). sedihhhhhhhh. lagi baik x pyh jumpa kan. sbb kalo jumpa, kena bpisah jugak. wat tambah rindu ja. (LALALLALALLA XPYH NK BERIYEEEEEE RINDU2 ANAK AYAM)

urm siang td baru belek2 kad2 (x berapa mau kad) yg anak2 murid bg dengan sy before tinggalkan skola hari tu. antaranya....

cikgu mmg comel. tq Sri. *blushhhhing* HAHAHAHAHHA

B, u SHUD READ THIS ONE. ada murid mau sy jd kakak ipar dia okayyyy. hahahahah but sadly she wrote my name wrongly. xpe, liza pun liza laaa.

tq kids.. i love u all too.

ok gd nite babai!!! off to wonderland bed!

selamat hari pekerja semuanya.

::good things eventually will come to an end::

praktikum fasa III bakal berakhir esok. alhamdulillah. happy. but at the same time stress amat bila proposal harus disiapkn pd HARI ESOK OMGGGGGG i am soooooooooo dead.  (but why i still have time to update my blog??? grhhhhhhhhhhh)

pagi tadi tgk2 gambar dlm lappy. since my old memories are gone (literally gone), gambr2 yg ada cuma sekitar hujung 2010 until now. nampk satu folder entitiled 'nov 2010'. bila buka, oh byk rupanya gambar2 lama sy hampir dua tahun yg lepas. semuanya ambik menggunakan hp. oh sy suka juga rupanya ambk gambar sendiri ya? masa tu zaman hp ada camera lagi. skg ni, zaman 'kegelapan', hp serba lemah dan tak upaya. ahahaha. 

 

aah... i miss the old times. when i was young and free. now i am fat and old. tp x apa la, at least ada student yg called me "cikgu cantikkkk. macam bidadari dari syurga,". AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH LEPAS TU ADA PRACTICUM MATE I YG X PUAS HATI AND KATA 'APA LA BUDAK NIIIII. MCM LA DIA PENAH NAMPK BIDADARI DARI SYURGA!!', 

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA. sabar peminat. sabarrrrrrrrrrr.

bye. meh sambung wat proposal. dont let the stress ruins the weekends.